Poster boy
by xbloodysandx
Summary: When life is being cruel over and over sometimes it hurts event the most soulful people. And Naruto is not above being hurt. Behind the sunny smile he's still human. But when he's hurting most he finds his old sensei beside him and later realize that maybe.. what happens, happens for good ; yaoi. rated M.
1. Chapter 1

Warning: rated M . Future yaoi. I changed few facts like I bought Sasuke back. And made Naruto a little oc sometimes. And changed few other facts. Information might be wrong about the jounin/chunin xams and naruto's rank. Any corrections welcome.

AN: this is for all the people out there who r in shitty situation and think nothing will ever be right but keep hoping that someday it will. Never give up darlings. Naruto never does. Not for long ;)

XXXX

Naruto never was the one to break things when he was angry or upset. So he was leaning over his dining table with his hands grabbing its end corners in a death grip. He was gritting his teeth so hard his head hurt. But that was keeping his tears in bay. What's worse then losing was being pathetic and breaking down. And Uzomaki Naruto never broke down.

He just failed the jounin exams. Again.

He failed it last year.

And the one before that.

That's the stat of 3 out of his 4 major tries.

His inside roared and he felt his walls crumble. Why is this happening to him? Sasuke was back and he became jounin on his first try. And he was successful in each and every mission too. They were no longer friends and that didn't help anything really. He was nine freggin teen and he seem to be messing things up worse then when he was a dead last idiot of a brat. And he thought he grew out of that state of his life where everything only meant failure and rejection. Guess he was wrong.

Taking a deep shaky breath he looked at the ceiling and was grateful to feel the sting of his unshod tears vanishing, leaving itching moisture behind. _That's ok_; he told himself; _next year I'm gonna do fine! I'm gonna make it I swear! _Everyone said he had grate potential. That he was gonna b grater then everyone around him. And they believed he was gonna make a hokage someday. He also believes that. He never stopped believing.

And yet he can't even pass the bloody exam. Something is always going wrong. He was injured or someone else was injured during exam and he being who he was he couldn't leave them to die just cause it'd get him the title of jounin. But those were excuses; he couldn't make it and that was that. Even Sakura was jounin. So was Neji, Lee and everyone else he knew and Gaara was the freggin Kazekage. Its not that he wasn't happy oh hell he was! Proud too.

It's just that he was the only one left. And that thought alone had few drops of tears rolling down his face without him even noticing. A growl tore trough him as he punched the wall so hard he heard cracking and then he winced instantly. His knuckles would heal his wall was gonna need plaster and stuff. He was a little low on money. He was no jounin, not even a chunin. And a boy without those ranks didn't get official top rank missions. He just gets lucky sometimes or sent on them when the village had no one else to depend on.

Enough feeling sorry for himself. He grabbed his weapon pouch and got out of his house. Things felt worse when he was wallowing in guilt and self pity.

XXXXX

The market was as lively as ever. He was just getting out of the ramen stand when he saw a glimpse of silver and he instantly knew who that was.

Hatake Kakashi. No silver could match the shade of that man's hair. He wanted to run to his x-sensei laugh and talk about old times, know about his whereabouts and how he was doing but something stopped him.

His other two teammates were most successful jounins and he was the one still left as a genin. How was he ever gonna face his sensei? The man had so high hopes from all of them…

Naruto tuned on his heel and quickly got lost in the crowd and got far away from there before his sensei could find him. He wondered where Jiraiya was and if he should meet the old man for some more training. Though no matter how hard he tried it seemed to be doing no good.

Before he knew he was in the quiet side of the village, legs hanging off the tree branch he was sitting on eyes glues on the faces on the Hokage Mountain. He rocked back and forth slightly and it felt awfully like the times he sat on the academy swing sad and alone and thinking what Kami did so wrong making him. Kami was never supposed to make anything less then perfect right? Must have been him then. He hooked the back of his knees on the branch and fell back so he was hanging upside down. The motion set him swinging slightly and the blood rushed to his brain had him squinting his eyes shut.

"Hey there" the greeting was so calm it sound as if the speaker was bored. And if Naruto didn't know his who it was he'd say the speaker probably was bored. Naruto's eyes snapped as he heard the ever so known voice only inches away from his upside-down face and even though he could tell who it was without opening his eyes he almost fell from his position from the suddenness of seeing a masked face hovering near his.

"Kakashi sensei!" Naruto whined as he calmed down his heart. And he was suddenly sure his sensei saw him before he saw the older man in the market. And that meant Kakashi also knew Naruto tried to lose him. And even after years he still couldn't even lose someone properly. He sighed again as he swung back up and then jumped off the branch.

"Long time no see Naruto!" Kakashi gave him that curved eye that indicated the man was smiling. And the familiarity of that had his heart aching. When did he got so far from all this? When did this oh so familiar gesture turned into a memory and not a regular occurrence?

That's right he went to get strong so he could get back Sasuke and got successful. Naruto scoffed inwardly. Some victory that turned out to be. The bastard got forgiven as the "last Uchiha alive" and he was "just a kid making wrong decisions" made jounin got awesome missions and Sakura was under his charm again. Naruto always knew inside someday this wasn't gonna be worth all that he went trough. Well Sasuke was back and kickin' and he was the same old Naruto.

"What are you doing here?" Naruto couldn't look at that one single lazy looking eye. Because despite its dullness it seemed to bore into his very soul and felt like it could see all his demons all his pain and struggle. And the man only had one eye visible in his entire face. Naruto didn't want to think what he'd do if Kakashi's entire face was visible.

"Oh I was trying to return a mission report when I got lost in the path of life and found you there. Imagine my joy!" Naruto was grateful when his sensei looked away.

"Oh Iruka sensei's gonna flip if you told him that." Naruto chuckled as he imagined the infamous Umino Iruka on his rampage mode.

"Aaahh some times there's no ditching fate Naruto." Kakashi Sighed and maybe it was just Naruto but he felt like the words had other meaning.

"Yeah tell me about it." Naruto muttered as they started walking.

"Maa I heard you came back 5 days ago. And I've been looking forward to meet you since then. But you don't come to see me. Forgot your poor old sensei so easily?" Kakashi's voice was dramatic "I feel so unloved." And Naruto almost laughed. Hearing that from the man he has admired for so long and also had a crush for quite a while was kindda ironic. Yeah so he had a crush on his sensei. He even spent time imagining stuff with him. Infect the stuff he thought about Kakashi were far less innocent then thoughts of holding Sakura's hand to the ramen stand.

In shinobi world people weren't actually picky about whom they were with unless they were from clans like Hyuuga, planning to take over and stuff. Men with men were no strange occurrence. But they had a silent don't ask don't tell policy going on. Once upon a time he thought maybe someday he'd ask his sensei out and they'd live happily ever after. So naïve he has been…

No way was Kakashi gonna go out with a person who couldn't even make chunin forget jounin. Kakashi had far better chances then that. And that thought dimmed Naruto's world. And hours earlier he was thinking he couldn't be sadder. He scoffed. Kakashi noticed that.

"What's the matter Naruto… you don't seem like your usual self." Kakashi said in his lazily curious way. Naruto snapped out of his trance.

"What do ya mean? I'm just fine." Naruto put his hands behind his head and smacked a forced bright smile on his face. Kakashi just corked his single eyebrow in a "are you kidding me?" manner and Naruto sighed after sometime he tried to hold his ground and failed.

"It's nothing really sensei." Naruto looked away. He never felt so.. ashamed before.

"Try again." Kakashi said simply as he leaned back on a tree.

Naruto was not looking forward to pity talk. Sakura did enough of that. All 'you'll be there have patience Naruto' talk just pissed him off after the second time. But he couldn't bring himself to be rude with this man.

"You know few things have been on my mind lately and stuff. It's nothing serious. Just me being impatient. Everything will be fine soon." It's the lecture he heard from Sakura a million times.

"What will be fine soon?" Kakashi asked and Naruto knew looking at his sensei's lax but determined posture that there was no getting out of this talk. He has been avoiding seeing this man for two and half years and Kakashi knew he was being avoided. He was stuck. But he had a feeling his sensei already knew. He always knew.

But how could he tell his problem to the Konoha genius who got chunin at the age of 6? He so never had a chance with this man.

"…I don't want to talk abou…" before he could finish the sentence there was a chunin on the tree they were standing under.

"Hatake Kakashi you have been summoned by the hokage." The chunin said and Naruto felt relieved and sad at the same time. He might not want to talk about his problems but he wanted spend a little time with his x-sensei. The chunin took off and Kakashi signaled him to follow. Well he didn't have anything special to do he might as well see what's the rush is about.

And in moments they were sprinting off towards the hokage office.

XXXX

"You're late!" Tsunade's Growls almost made Naruto laugh but before Kakashi could come up with his famous lame excuse the blond woman stopped him. "Don't even bother Hatake! There's an urgent mission. You must set to it right away. Pick a partner. It's a S-rank so take what you need. The mission scroll is with Shizune. You got to name one partner you're taking with you."

Kakashi took the scroll from Shizune and read it swiftly and looked up as if he already got it sorted out. Naruto didn't know whether to be jealous or awed.

"Who will be your partner?" Tsunade asked eyeing her sake cup.

"Naruto." Tsunade almost chocked on the sake and Naruto was dumbstruck.

"You do realize it's an S rank don't you?" The woman gave him a steady meaningful look. She trusted Kakashi's judgment. But moreover she trusted Naruto but he was still so young.

"Of course I do hokage sama. Who else to trust my life with?" Kakashi looked carefree and relaxed but he was as confident as ever. "Besides we have some catching up to do." He told the Hokage and sent a cheery look towards Naruto. The wise woman stared at him for another moment before she sighed and nodded once.

And at that moment Naruto felt like the title of Hokage wouldn't' make him feel so good. But the next moment other thoughts gathered in his mind. What if he failed? What if Kakashi got hurt because of… before he could finish that thought Kakashi was dragging him out the door.

"Come now Naruto we don't have all day" Kakashi was saying in his cheery voice as he waved the hokage good bye and Naruto only stared at the man with wonder.

That moment he realized he could never love the man more then this. And nothing and no one could make him feel the way he felt. A smile replaced all worry in Naruto's mind as he figured out the solution to that.

He was simply not going to let anything happen to Kakashi.

XXXX

AN: Yes I know what I'm thinking posting new stories when I got other incomplete storied clogging up my account? I don't know. I just feel weird and hoping writing this will make me feel better. And yes I'm still feeling shitty


	2. dream a little dream of me

"Ooh those scum aimed for the gold…" Kakashi groaned. He was lying face down on the scratchy mission blanket that was also covering his backside barely. If Naruto wasn't mortified he would have laughed.

"They were aiming for your neck when you were kneeling down to dodge the last attack. You stood up and then your ass was where your neck should've been. You're lucky." Naruto said pulling another thin needle from the beginning of the swell of Kakashi's plump firm lush butt. He was desperately trying not to lose his mind by looking what he was actually handling.

Kakashi's black tank top was hunched up to his armpits as he lay on his stomach, pants pulled down to his mid thighs along with his underwear. The edge of the mission blanket covering the best sight Naruto was sure he'd ever see in his life. He already had the urge to rub his hands and face of the scarred yet velvety ivory skin of the man's back. Several times but he pushed them back before they could truly take over his imagination. He was sure this was gonna be the subject of his wet dream for months perhaps years to come.

"It's jealousy I tell you! They simply couldn't bear the perfectness of it." Kakashi groaned again and then hissed again as Naruto applied the burning hellish liquid on it. The needles were definitely poisoned. So was the dagger that left a shallow slash on his lower back. The second slash would've been fetal if Naruto hadn't covered him with his own body. Kakashi was restricting the leader of the group with both hands –the man was blind; Kakashi's sharingan was useless.

"For a blind guy he sure was strong." Naruto winced looking at the swollen area around the slash on Kakashi's ivory back. He really hoped it won't leave another scar on the beautiful canvas that was his sensei's back. They both had the poison removed as best as they could and applied basic drugs but they had to reach the village as soon as they could.

"He was blind from birth. He trained that way. You'd be surprised to see what people are able to do if they spend a lifetime trying. Gai for example he.." Kakashi's breath hitched as Naruto pulled the last needle out after much pinching around. There was a brief silence after that as Naruto applied the medicine and then finally sat back. Morning was few hours away. Till then they had to regain their strength as best as they could before setting back for their village.

"You shouldn't have done that you know." Kakashi's ever so calm voice floated to Naruto.

"What pulling the needles out of your butt?" Naruto snorted with a smirk.

"You know what I'm talking about." Yeah he did. He took a blow for Kakashi. It would've been fetal if Naruto wasn't the Kyuube vessel. There was another brief silent and Naruto knew Kakashi was waiting for a reply.

"I can heal. You would've done the same for me if you were in my place." Naruto said calmly. He thought the silence after that was the end of conversation.

"That doesn't mean it hurts any less." Naruto almost smiled. Kakashi cared. Well a lot of people did he wasn't lonely but Kakashi was a little special. And you can't blame Naruto for being a little needy for affection. He was making up for his lonely days before for some reason he became lonely again. That was a fear he picked up the moment he realized he wasn't alone any more.

"You trusted me with your life didn't you?" That was more of a statement then a question. He thought Kakashi fell asleep.

"You aren't gonna tell anyone about… it… would you?" Kakashi asked voice no longer grim and soft. But it was his regular lame lazy voice.

"It? You mean your butt in jury?" Naruto put his arms behind his head with a wide grin "the first words I'll announce after stepping in the village will be about "it" sensei." Naruto chuckled as Kakashi groaned.

"You do that and you better sleep with your eyes open after that Naruto. I'll come after you in your sleep." Kakashi's voice held no real threat just his usual laziness as he pointed at Naruto with his index finger to get his point across.

"You wouldn't so that to the guy who salvaged your butt now would you?" Naruto teased and Kakashi groaned again before burying his hands in his arms. Naruto laughed heartily and after that the silence truly lasted till the morning.

XXXX

Naruto stared at the speaker that was blaring music in the waiting room. It's been months since his mission with Kakashi. He hadn't seen the man ever since. He wasn't too keen either. He didn't feel like seeing anyone he knew anymore. Some times he just wanted to go somewhere and start over from the beginning. Somewhere where no one knew who he was, what was inside him, what he should be by now and how he wasn't.

The chunin exam passed by just four days ago. He was supposed to participate again. And pass it for sure this time. But he had a mission before it. He was supposed to attend it after finishing this mission. But it was a day longer because well the girl he was escorting turned out to be suicidal. And he had to get her home safe. How does he end up with the nut bags? By the time he realized he missed the first part of the exam he wanted to kill her himself. But well he wasn't evil.

But he was pissed enough to leave the village for a long mission. It was a stupid C rank mission to guard a fat rich supposedly important guy for couple of months. And so there he was, sitting in the waiting room for the fat bald douche bag with pig eyes and forehead as big as Sakura to come out of the meeting so he could take him home.

The music was nice, rhythmic and relaxing but for some reason he just didn't want to hear it. That was strange he liked music. They were so nice and rhythmic and always said nice nice stuff about love and hope and stuff. It was annoying him this time and he had half the mind to get up and stomp the speaker and other violent stuff till it shut up already. But he just sat there bored, not trying to find any means to entertain himself as he would've done before. This job had a good thing he could train a lot. This "wanna be important guy" didn't have as many treats as he wanted to let people to know. He thought it made him look more important.

Naruto missed ichiraku now and then, sometimes he thought about the people he grew up with and became friends. He thought about all the pranks he pulled and all the yelling he got from Iruka and the beginning of his team 7 days when they were all so naïve and didn't know the world. He just wanted to be Hokage someday like most other kids in the village. But what was different about him was that he was so sure this dream of his would come true…

He thought of Gaara. Did the boy still felt lonely like Naruto did? Or did he grow out of his lonely days? The calm and surprisingly innocent face of the pale young boy once so lonely and scared lying on the forest after the first chunin exam when Naruto defeated him pained and made him happy at the same time. Pain because it just was so.. Sad to think the world was as cruel as it was. Happy cuz he wasn't alone. And the whole concept of loneliness terrified him.

But he was still Naruto somehow. He dreamed. But those were day dreams mostly he made them up when he sometimes felt like all the things in his life was going out of his hands. He dreamed of being a hokage, having endless supply of ramen, Sakura, Sasuke, lee Neji Shikamaru, Gaara looking at him with respect. Respect that came when one proved themselves for real. In his real dreams nice things really didn't come so daydream it was. They made him happy. He spun the wave of his dreams for long as he trained, as he meditates, during his lunch breaks and sometimes when he had free times. But as soon as his free times he closed them like a story book and then started again when he had free time again he picked up where he left.

Some times he dreamed of coming home to someone who loved him despite everything. It was Sakura at the beginning but that faded quickly. All the harsh things she said to him, all the time she chose Sasuke over him again and again and again wasn't nearly enough making up for how pretty he once found her. Inside she was no longer pretty to him.

Some times it was Gaara he imagined coming home to. The petite redhead with his loveable round face that refused to let go of the baby fat, those eyes that once looked so emotionless. Naruto's imagination gave those eyes thousand emotions, sometimes he saw them round and terrified and then he comforted the boy in his arms, then confused and innocent sometimes but he changed that to low and shy with a slight blush across his nose and cheeks and he saw himself deepen the blush as his lips skimmed over the redden area.

Then it was Kakashi. He stayed. And it was so nice to come home to Kakashi. He imagined hundred faced for the masked man, each he loved but the next time he made it different. And he loved that new face too. His imaginary life with Kakashi was so amazing. His wise and low voice that was lazy in the morning, the smell he was so found of. The sense of love and security he found around the man was like nothing else. And he imagined Kakashi loving him a lot. Unconditional, crazy unbreakable love…

But then he got tired of dreaming. What was the meaning? Like they were ever gonna come true. Even if he still liked Sakura she was probably egging Sasuke to let her bear the next Uchiha heir; along with all the other girls in the village. Gaara was the damn Kazekage, and his older sister and brother will shish kebab his ass if he looked at the boy wrong. And Kakashi…

Kakashi.

The man was a fallen angel –Naruto laughed at that thought- to him. He just found the man that perfect. His imperfect perverted side was forgiven and forgotten, the face he never saw the man's face also not concerning him, age difference didn't count. The thought that Kakashi might be in a secret relation with anyone; -the man was quite secretive after all, an entire village couldn't see his face in his lifetime just cause he wanted it secret;- was quickly replace by the thought of him being in Naruto's arms; simply because Naruto didn't like to think it was true.

Bottom line was he knew none of this was gonna come true. Yet he dreamed, day after day as he trained, as he got stronger but never strong enough.

Like the clouds in the summer sky his dreams drifted off and they became less and less. He just didn't feel like dreaming so much like before. Because after it ended it just reminded what he didn't have or will never have. And so his dreams became less and less like the rain clouds in a desert.

And that's when Naruto truly started to change.

All the people who thought Naruto will always be the same loud naïve dreamer of an idiot; know that someone above who was especially cruel to Naruto was laughing at your face.

XXXX

An: sorry im being evil with Naruto..i love the boy. I truly do. Its just a thing I have.. I find me beloved more loveable when they are hurting. And about the spelling… sorry. I don't have a beta. And I will edit this a bit later. Bear with it till then ne?


End file.
